Don’t Write that Way

Amphibious pitcher
Did you hear the one about the amphibious pitcher? No, it’s not a water vessel carried by a frog. It’s also not a baseball player with a long tongue that can snag flyballs.

Though you’re getting closer.

What good is the Internet if it can’t spread our worst mistakes around the world at the speed of light? In this case, a headline writer in Oregon misunderstood the word “ambidextrous” as it applied to a baseball pitcher who can throw with either arm. The headline proclaimed the first known “amphibious pitcher” was now playing in the majors. The Internet has reacted as only the Internet can:  heaps of derision, jokes and a variety of pseudo-scientific theories as to whether the pitcher’s tail will grow back if a line drive severs it.

At Cicero’s Academy, we sometimes use the sports pages as a source of questionable examples of writing. (Today’s edition: “Perhaps the refs are letting others get after him because he’s been pushing off with his off hand in the post, but either way, James is giving us a real treat against odds that don’t favor the Cavs to win the series.” Off-handedly, I’d say that gem is actually one run-on sentence that also constitutes its own paragraph.)

So, it was a coincidence that the pitcher grew legs and lungs crawling out of the primordial soup the same week that our summer workshop series began – OR WAS IT?  Perhaps things really do happen for a reason.

If you want to avoid your 15 minutes of Internet infamy, come to Cicero’s Academy: Write this way.

Posted in Language, Uncategorized, Workshops and tagged , , , , .